Life with a bottle half empty
by yulian
Summary: Ella gets some not so happy wake up calls in this moment of her life. Rated M for adult themes, but nothing over the top, mostly for safety's sake.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Marvel, I write for fun, not profit. However Ellanor/Ella (I alternately use both her name and nickname) is mine. Enjoy

Ever have one of those days where you just didn't want to get up and face the world? It was one of those for Ellanor, but replace day with life. She felt as empty as the day before that.

She felt herself succumbing to the darkness inherent to her personality. She pulled the half empty bottle of vodka from the bed side table and took a swig. Ella wanted nothing more then to simply fade into the morning, like a fog, a mist settling back into the earth.

Oh to hide behind her bottle, her greatest defender. There was something about being intellectually capable of a great many things, that left a swirling chaotic mass of anxiety available to bring one down so very far. The simple pleasure of not being able to think clearly was what she would rather opt to do on an everyday basis, then to be too damned smart for her own good.

"You're going to end up like your father, keeping this up." Charles Xavier spoke through the door.

"That's a morbid thought Professor, even for you." She sat up, took another long drink of the vodka, and set the bottle down on her bedside table. She rubbed her temples, longing to be alone.

"Come in. I know you're still there."

Professor Xavier rolled into her room and pulled beside her.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked, genuinely curious and concerned at the same time.

"Hiding though does it really matter? I am a grown woman after all."

She said with an edgy voice.

"Can we talk in about an hour or so? Come down to my office."

"You ask me if we can, but you make me feel like I don't have a choice."

She replied snidely.

"Yes, It really was more of a command. Take a shower, get some coffee, and give me the bottle. Now." She replied gruffly handing it to him.

He left her sitting on the edge of the bed, leaving her thoughts in a jumbled confusion.

"Better not be an intervention." She grumbled as she stood and walked to her private bathroom. It was decorated in different shades of blue and purple. It almost had a stained glass look in her shower even.

She started the water, and got in, stifling a small scream as the scalding hot water hit her body. After a few minutes she got used to it, shampooing her hair and washing up. She turned the water off and had to admit she felt better, more clearheaded.

She walked out tof the shower into her room naked and wet still. That's when she heard a cough.

"Sorry, didn't expect you to still be here.." Logan said, turning ever so slightly. He stood next to the door to her room.

"I didn't take that long did I? Logan would you do me a favor?" Ella asked innocently.

"Sure darlin'." He replied in his usual gruff voice.

"Would you just stare at me straight on or take a picture? It's not like you haven't seen me naked before. Remember that one time all my clothes were burned off by Pyro?" she laughed remembering. She was facing her dresser, rummaging through clothes, and turned halfway to see Logan looking at her appreciatively.

She smiled, looking into his eyes.

"I trust you, you know." She said as she pulled out a lacy pair of underwear and pulled them on enticingly.

"I'm not a good guy." He replied, stepping forward ever so slightly.

"We both have pasts." She said turning to face him, "You mind?" she said motioning to her bra clasp.

He silently walked over to her and clasped it for her.

"You're just a kid."

His hands were rough and careworn, and caressed her back ever so lightly.

"I know I am. I was there when I should of…" she began but stopped herself.

She pulled on a pair of jeans that fit snugly over her hips. She grabbed a top and pulled it over her head, and Logan pulled it down smoothing the creases.

She turned and faced him. Logan put his hands on her hips.

She leaned into him, putting her arms around his neck and kissed him. He didn't fight it, instead pulling her closer. He smelled like cigars and old spice, and tasted like passion and desire. He picked her up and poised her against the wall, her leg's wrapping perfectly around his waist.

Thankfully the door was closed and locked. Leave it to Logan…

"Hey, Professor's looking for you." Jubilee said in her usual chipper voice.

They broke the kiss. In a shaky voice she replied, "Be down in a minute."

"Yeah right." He said and chuckled. She smiled and pulled herself into his embrace.

"Time to face the firing squad." She said, disappointment lacing her words. She hadn't felt alive for weeks, since coming back.

"You ready?"

she nodded and he released her, and she let go of him.

Ellanor had scars covering her body and didn't even seem to know. He had traced the ones on her lower to middle back, pondering where, how she had gotten them.

Logan fought the training bots with renewed fervor, finally destroying the last of them. Whatever Professor Xavier had wanted, it had been serious.

The danger room doors opened and the program ended. Ella stood, the light from the hallway casting her shadow acroos the room. Her head hung low, and she was hugging herself tightly as if to keep herself from falling apart.

He met her halfway. "Kid? Talk to me! If Professor.."

"It's not that, nothing he didn't need to say..it's what he found out."

A pregnant silence filled the room.

"I don't know what to do. I don't have the answers anymore. Oh God…"

"Kid!" she slipped to her knee's and Charles rolled behind her.

"Ella, Do you want me to tell him?" Professor Xavier asked her in a tentative voice.

She nodded weakly. Logan put his arms protectively around her, as if to protect her from the words that had caused this shattering of her soul.

"SHIELD is coming… for her."


	2. Chapter 2

Logans anger reverberated through him, as she leaned farther into him, her head falling onto his chest. His heart raced and beat like a maniac. He felt protective of her, hell, anyone would who ever met her. She had just been a kid when she had been brainwashed and controlled by those bastards.

"Fury won't get his hands on you kid I swear it. Do you hear me?" She could swear she felt his heart beat faster, she could feel the fear for her in him…

"I have to go with them." She mumbled into his chest. This was what she needed, all she had wanted since she could control her life again.

Someone to fight for her,someone to give her a chance to do the right thing.

"You don't, you didn't do nothing bad as I ever done."

"I was controlled…manipulated but it won't matter to doesn't matter to me." She struggled to maintain complete composure.

"Doesn't Fury know that you were controlled?" Logan spoke to Charles for the first time since she had walked through the large metal doors.

"He does not trust my words, Logan, as I cannot read her mind." He replied, a sadness, a sorrow that made Logan need to look away.

"Then try harder! I'll rip Fury apart" he halfheartedly yelled, though he knew Charles had done everything in his power to help Ella.

Meanwhile Ella had reached the end of this fruitless argument. Her mind was made up, once and for all.

"No!" she pulled herself out of his arms, and positioned herself in between Charles and Logan. "You won't, You mustn't." This was her penance, her price, her only link to the time she spent in her head those 4 long years.

"Kid, you aren't a murderer, not like me. If they take you in I'm coming with." He stood stock still and put his mask on.

She stopped, mouth agape staring at him. Did he really care as much as he was saying?

"You know what they do to people like me? I'm not worth saving." She whispered, believing her own words so truly hurt…

"I beg to differ, and so does Logan, and all of us." Charles spoke up finally.

Beast, Scott Summers and Jean Grey, even Nightcrawler came into the room. Kitty phased in with Peter at her side.

"I have to go with SHIELD."

"We know, and it is your choice, but say the word…" Kitty spoke softly. She had barely known Ella but everyone knew the tragedy that was the Hollam Family story.

"I won't let you go alone." Logan's voice echoed througout the danger room, stronger then before, assuring her with as much comfort as he would allow.

Now that the whole team, all their friends were there, they couldn't speak as candidly, but if anyone knew about the kiss that morning or the secret glances in the 5 weeks she had been home, well they would know.

"What do I do now?"

"We wait."

Review is the magic word….


End file.
